Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Somebody must have tried the "I wasn't laying down - I was just positioned horizontally" excuse

We are in the fight of our lives here in Orlando for the designation of "The City Beautiful" (Kiss off, Coral Gables!) As such, we have no tolerance for that hideous sight of people reclining on park benches. ICK! In fact, sleeping in foliage has become such an epidemic in our city that lawmakers have been forced to pass an ordinance and erect signs at Lake Eola to deal with the problem.

I know - you're saying to yourself, "But wait a second! Didn't Orlando hover near record high rates for murders in the year 2007? Shouldn't there be a sign, instead, that reads: "Please do not impale with bullets or otherwise inflict death blows on other beings?" The answer is yes, but people who commit homicides tend to start as people who recline on park benches. It's textbook.

6 comments:

Uberbastard said...

I know this sign well, there are a few of them around Lake Eola. Doesn't stop the bums from sleeping in the park while leaning up.

WM said...

I really really am beginning to dislike Orlando. I live in Jacksonville and have friends who grew up in Orlando. They will diss Jax as a hick town but talk about Orlando like it's the NYC of the south. Well, if I may offer a critique of Orlando....

...It is full of chain restaurants, low-paying service jobs, tourist-dominated nightlife, has little to no significance in US or FL history, horrible traffic, endless toll roads, and no geographical features that make it unique or special.

Basically, without Disney, Orlando would be Ocala South.

jovial_cynic said...

I enjoy that the sign also instructs readers not to lie.

Anonymous said...

So, am I correct in assuming that the city
of Orlando is providing adequate shelter
for homeless people if it is prohibiting
them from sleeping in parks?

Tacky Fabulous said...

WM - Take that back. We are home to the world's largest Orange.

Pop Art Diva! said...

Well, isn't that interesting? Is it true that Disney pretty much controls Orlando? Because maybe it's a conspiracy to rid the world of anything that might attract dirt - like kids and the homeless (and my living room rugs!)

Today I discovered that Disney had banned children from one of it's chi-chi restaurants. So, maybe the dirt-free game's afoot! Watson, fetch my dust buster!