Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Tacky Fabulous Cher Hair If You Dare...

An upcoming high school reunion can make a girl do crazy things, especially when the reunion is in New Jersey. Try going back without some really big hair, superlong nails, and a fake bake tan and they may just boot your ass out.

In preparation for the big event, I know I should be conditioning my hair in addition to a regular routine of binging and purging, but I opted instead to take the easy way out and get hair extensions.
My best friend says that my hair, along with my Orlando pole dancing aerobics class solidifies my status as a cheesy, Whitesnake-wanna-be-groupie. For the record, I don't even like Whitesnake...I like Bon Jovi.

I love my new hair, except for a few things: The little glue tips that adhere the fake stuff to my natural locks feel a lot like a headful of tics. That's bad. Not nearly as uncomfortable though, as the fact that 6 months ago, before it made the move to Central Florida to be with me, this hair was on somebody else's head. True Dat. It's somebody else's hair. My other best friend told me she threw up a little in her mouth when I told her that bit of info.

They do sterilize the hair first, though, and all the celebs do it, so could it be that bad? It definitely holds up to the "What would Jessica Simpson Do?" test that I run all my important decisions through. If extensions are good enough for the girl who played Daisy Duke, they're certainly good enough for me.

My stylist got all freaked out when I started asking about my hair donor - where is she from? What does she like to do? What are her dreams?

But really, is it that ridiculous to want to know the 411 when you are on the receiving end of an almost-body-part that was attached to someone else's head for 10 years? I need to know the karma and backstory that comes along with the hair. I consider this chick no less important to me than a surrogate. A follicle surrogate of sorts. I will love this hair as if it were my own.

I hope my hair donor was a geisha in Kyoto. I've always wanted to be a geisha, and I can play a mean shamisen, but at 5'8", they've never considered me a serious candidate for the program. But now at least, maybe I can live vicariously through my hair.


photo from Memoirs of a Geisha movie

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