"DeLand Man Accused of Assaulting Woman with Bag of Sausage".
Oh, the humanity! You carry around a child for 9 months, go through the pains of labor, the first day of school, endless hours of homework, and driving him to and from Oboe practice... only to have that same kid grow up and thank you by coming at you like a spider monkey, wielding a 3 pound bag of Polish Sausage.
The whole thing apparently stemmed from an argument between mother and son. Of course, the best line of the whole article relates to the fact that when police arrived on the scene, the perp may have been "cooking the evidence." The perfect crime!