Monday, March 31, 2008

Somebody's Been a Very Naughty Boy...

Color me amused. This weekend, it was revealed that man-boobs were a little to risque for Orlando, prompting the nipples to be airbrushed out of one billboard by the WWE.


Um, so how do y'all like that new bondage/fetish place that just opened up near Clarcona-Ocoee Road and North Orange Blossom Trail? When I first read about the Woodshed in the Orlando Weekly, I thought it was some sort of freaky deaky sex place where people put clothespins on their private parts, whipped their partners on specialized bondage furniture, and zapped each other with electric winches, just for fun.

Well, I guess it is THAT, but listen up people, it's also a private membership club "dedicated to the practice of social nudism and the expression of the BDSM arts." So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art. Kind of like that puke art exhibit. ART! Don't you get it Orlando? ART!

So, about that membership thing. There are bylaws and an there's an application - which means they don't accept just anyone. I'm going to delve into this a little further and find out what, exactly, would be grounds for being turned down for membership in a sadomasochist club.

We'll also go into greater detail about the full-body shaving station, special events, and the one thing that is considered just plain gross at the Woodshed. See you tomorrow, and as we say in Orlando - make it a Disney day!

photo courtesy of www.lonewacko.com

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Billboard Malfunction



That was the request from Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer, and the WWE played along - airbrushing the nipples off this billboard.  Dyer says "no nips" is a city ordinance - his press secretary followed-up later by saying it isn't.  

Even though the nipples didn't make the cut on this billboard, you can still see the real deal on the Lynx buses driving around town.  Amen!

photo courtesy WWE/ story from TMZ

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Homie Don't Play Dat

"When you come to see us, we do what we do. Dolly Parton - we don't do that."

--Mark Wayne, of Mark & Lorna fame (in a 1992 Orlando Sentinel interview)

Friday, March 28, 2008

Bagels, Biceps, and Brunch


Really, what more do you need to know?  There is no more tacky fabulous way to spend your Sunday morning than with the men (and women) of the WWE for Bagels, Biceps, and Brunch (to benefit the Make a Wish Foundation).


Throw in bacon, bonfires, butts, and bass fishin' and it's truly heaven on earth.

photo courtesy of WWE

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My Blind Date in the Swamp

I love blind dates because I love surprises, so imagine my surprise when my blind date sent me a text message to let me know the location of our rendez-vous...



"How sweet," I replied, "I've never heard of it, but I'm assuming you picked The Swamp House Grill because of my blog?" I asked. When he answered "What's a blog?" I got a little nervous. When he emailed and asked if it was OK to bring his parrot, I got more nervous. I mean, I'm an animal lover and all, but parrots poop and that fact makes them less-than-perfect dining mates. I didn't answer and decided to just wait and see where my date's own judgement led him.

Fortunately, Mother Nature stepped in with the threat of bad weather, thus the bird and its excrement stayed home. I did meet "Ned the Parrot" (albeit virtually) via seven video clips, including Ned the Parrot at Bike Week, Ned the Parrot at my date's cousin's house in Atlanta, and Ned eating hamburger meat soaked in eggs and water.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the Swamp House Grill is not just a restaurant.  It's a restaurant/campground, and according to the sign, they do safaris, as well.  If that's not enough to flip your skirt, check out the alligator made entirely from motorcycle parts:

or the guy singing Elvis songs in the Tiki Bar area, not far from the outhouse.  Then there's the gift shop, with bass staplers...

gator back scratchers, and a slow cooker filled with that Florida favorite - boiled peanuts. Two varieties, actually.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

It's Raining Men


My friend Brad emailed me a couple days ago to inform me he has a new boyfriend. "He's definitely your kind of gay, Deanne," he says, "28 years old....dog groomer...loves green tea..." blah, blah, boring, blah...

For the record, that is NOT AT ALL "my kind of gay." 

"My kind of gay" dresses in drag and sings Broadway show tunes at the Parliament House, which is why I'm so excited about this entry for the upcoming Florida Film Festival. It's called "Pageant," - a documentary about the Miss Gay America Beauty Pageant and all its competitors, including "Pork Chop" and the Orlando-based "Chantal Reshae."

As if he were reading my mind, Orlando Sentinel film critic Roger Moore says, "Don't go expecting to see swishing, finger-snapping queen stereotypes." Darn! 

Thankfully, even though it's described as "wholesome" in its message, it does still include wigs, waxing and incredibly fabulous gowns.

Hooray!

photo: Miss Parliament House 2001

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Only 117 hours left until Wrestlemania 24


Not since Huey Lewis played Universal Mardi Gras on February 19, 2007 has there been such excitement and anticipation in the air throughout Central Florida. 

Really, it can only mean one thing:  It's WRESTLEMANIA time.

If you live here, you know it's coming based on the fact that WRESTLEMANIA has been all over (and over and over and over) the news for the last 2 months.  Here's the "24 Days of Wrestlemania Countdown" from the Sentinel.

Let me start by saying I had my first live WWE experience last June, so I know my shit, thank you very much.  I think the particular event I went to was called “Smackdown,” although I'm not quite sure where it falls in the wrestling hierarchy.

I got the feeling the crowd wasn't very happy that night.  Maybe it was the collective chants of “You SUCK!" throughout the entire evening. Like when that guy "Barista" made his way into the ring (I believe it’s Barista, as in, "Would you like your latte with skim or whole milk?”).   Once Barista made his entrance, the guy behind me led the Amway arena audience in an enthusiastic round of "YOU SUCK!"  At that point, I made the obvious assumption that the next wrestler must be the crowd favorite.  (It may have been “Gravedigger” or is that the name of the monster truck?  I always get them confused). But wouldn’t you know, as Gravedigger approached the ropes, the audience decided he sucked, as well, and he needed to be informed of that fact. By then, I wanted to politely ask the guy behind me, "If they all suck, then why are you here?" but he was much too busy rallying the support of his 4 and 7 year-old girls to even notice me. I think the little one was chewing tobacco.  

People held signs that read: “You Suck!”  Many people.  Some signs were just general statements and others were personalized.  I contemplated the family shopping spree and all the preparation that led to that moment: the posterboard, the magic markers.  Did they outline first using pencil?

As a side note here:  I'd like to say a great, big thanks to "Beer With Mike" who emailed a special VIP invitation to me for the Cheyenne Saloon’s festivities Wednesday night.  In case you didn’t know, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan will be there "beating people up and signing copies of his new DVD."  Interesting marketing approach - You surely won't see that kind of action when chef Norman Van Aken does his book signing this weekend at Borders in Winter Park.  

Oh, by the way, “Beer with Mike” also promises the first people to arrive will receive an actual piece of "Hacksaw's two-by-four that was used in the WWE ring, complete with a photo and certificate of authenticity.” Thank goodness, because I’m pretty sure the last one I got was a fake.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Welcome to Orlando, Where We're Now Rat-Free!


I guess it's a case of life imitating art, since it was a Simpson's episode before it was an unfortunate episode at Orlando International Airport.

Hooray for happy endings, because just like "Ye Olde Off Ramp Inn" from the Simpson's, Central Florida's busiest airport can now proudly declare: "We're Rat-Free!"

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Ultimate Orlando Dilemma


March 22 is, of course, the anniversary of the "world's largest human checkers game" - which was played last year in Kissimmee.  Definitely a cause for celebration. 

But, that anniversary just so happens to fall on the same day as Pillowlando - the local bash held to honor the greater cause of World Pillow Fight Day.  


Lest you think Pillowlando was a gathering without mission or order, let me assure you, there were rules, ("soft pillows only"..."swing lightly"..."do not swing at people without pillows").  

And here's a bright spot if you missed Pillowlando at Lake Eola:  there are no fewer than NINETY-FIVE pictures in the Orlando Sentinel gallery, including this little tip-of-the-hat to The Karate Kid.    

checkers photo courtesy of Richard Tribou and pillow photos courtesy of Matthew Simantov

Easter Peep Show, Of Course


Admittedly, this falls into the "least common denominator of humor/too much free time" category that I love so much, but if you prefer your marshmallow treats a little more high-brow than this, check out the Washington Post Peeps Diorama contest Gallery.  Pretty impresive - includes a Marilyn Monroe "Diamonds Are a Girls Best friend" re- creation, and a marshmallow version of "Reservior Dogs."

photo courtesy of : www.icanhascheezburger.com

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Most Tacky Fabulous Spring Break Souvenir


I've always been a big fan of the fat pencil souvenir, but this is even better: Somebody swiped the twenty-foot tall Moosehead Light inflatable from outside the Ocean Deck in Daytona Beach. (The work of "pranksters", says Daytona Beach News-Journal.)


Unfortunately for those pranksters, since the thing is worth over $5000, it falls into the "grand theft" category.

Clearly, the Daytona Beach police department enlisted the help of an FBI profiler in targeting the perp - and as such, they've offered up a most tacky fabulous reward: a case of Moosehead Light a week for a year.

That particular area has become the Bermuda Triangle of inflatables - just a few years ago "Trojan Man" was stolen from the same spot. Whereabouts still unknown.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Top-Free Trilogy: The Final Liz Book Interview

The last installment in our "Liz Book, Topless Protestor" Series...

TackyFab: This is it - our final round of questions - so I'll narrow it down to just the really important stuff. Who do you think would win in a fight: Daytona Beach Police Chief Mike Chitwood or Orange County Sheriff Kevin Beary?

Liz: Sheriff Beary came over to talk to us a few weeks ago when the Patriot Guard was present for a funeral of one of our fallen soldiers. I admired the Sheriff for being there and for bringing his troops in to protect the family. My admiration for Sheriff Beary would, of course, bias me on that answer. I adore him.

TackyFab:You're gushing, girl, collect yourself! Let me ask you now, how’s the top-free industry these days as a career choice? Any advice for recent graduates or up-and-comers in the field?

Liz: It is a wonderful freedom that I have fought long, hard, and legally for. If they've got the courage and conviction to do it, I would love to have more women join me for future protests. There is no pay for it, by the way. This is a poltiical movement. Freedom of speech is far from free in the United States. Thank goodness my attorney Lawrence Walters and his firm believe in what I am fighting for. They have been my champions throughout this whole battle with Daytona Beach. They have never charged me a dime.

TackyFab: Oh, that's right. You mention on your myspace site how hot Larry the Lawyer is, so let me post a pic of the two of you from your O'Reilly appearance.The publicist in me says you really should be sponsored. You need to get Larry on that quickly. Something along the lines of: ”Hi, I’m Liz Book and I rarely wear a bra, but when I do, it’s the Playtex 12-hour variety”. Moving on, though, I was reading somewhere that you hate strip clubs. What’s the deal with that?

Liz: I believe it was the advent of strip clubs that lead to the criminalization and the sexual stigmas that have been put upon our breasts over the past forty years.

TackyFab: Eesh...That’s kind of deep, so let’s go to a different subject. Who do you think is more famous, you or Sam from Appliance Direct?

Liz: Does anyone really care?

TackyFab: Sadly, I do.

Liz: Well, that poor SOB has to be half insane by now, being married to that woman. I got so sick of hearing her slamming lids and saying, "Appliance Direct!"

TackyFab: I don’t want to spoil it for you Liz, but I don’t think they’re married. They're not even a couple.

Liz: Then why would he put up with all that ranting and raving?

TackyFab: Well, I don’t know, but you fell for the oldest trick in Central Florida. Just to give you the total story: Tom and Angie from Toyota of Orlando aren’t a couple either, and Mr. Unbelievable the dog is actually a “Mrs.” But there is good news: that little ballerina from the commercials really is Bob Dance’s beautiful granddaughter! Getting back to the Toyota thing, though, who do you think is the sexier local Toyota spokesperson: David Maus from David Maus Toyota or Tom from Toyota of Orlando?

Liz: Dave Maus is a handsome guy. Do you think we can get him to go topless in his next commercial?

TackyFab: I’ll see if I can have his people get in touch with your people. Thanks so much Liz, and let me just leave you now with these wise words from the Simpsons: "If the beach isn't copless, please don't go topless."

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Don't You Dare Call Her a Flashionista: Liz Book Interview (Part 2)


Before Elliott Spitzer's favorite call girl Ashley Dupre was baring her underage breasts for Girls Gone Wild in Florida (and at a party in Orlando) ...and before Congressman Tom Feeney started his annual "beach walks" to peruse the coastline (yeah, right), there was Liz Book. When we left off with Liz yesterday, we had found out she doesn’t do a whole lot of breast prep before protests, she would consider implants, but she wouldn’t go top-free in front of a busload of kids bound for Bible school.  Here's more...

TackyFab:So Liz, I have to ask because I’m a celebrity news junkie - which celebrity you would most like to see as a champion for the top-free cause?

Liz: Janet Jackson, Drew Barrymore, or Britney Spears.

TackyFab:  OK, I get it...I remember Janet did the cover of Rolling Stone topless and Drew flashed Letterman.  Oops, sorry, I said "flashed" again and you hate that...I meant to say she accidentally lifted her shirt on top of Letterman's desk.  So, the Janet and Drew connections make sense, but you know, Liz, Britney is really more of an activist for a "undies-free" cause, and that raises the question: if you were able to achieve your goal of a "Top-Free America", would you move on to the platform of a "Bottom-Free America" and we’d see you chucking moons around town?

Liz: God, no! Could you imagine some hairy-assed fat guy walking around town with toilet tissue stuck to his butt? No, I am solely focused on freeing women's breasts. They are not sexual organs. I know this because I would have never allowed my children, short of the birth canal, anywhere near my sexual organs.

TackyFab:  "Sexual organs" is just such a gross phrase to me.  It sounds so clinical.  I'm sure you're attorney already looked it up, but are breasts really "organs"?  I always think of organs as being like a lung or a spleen.  But, anyway, let's just sum it up as "Boobs, not Butts" for you.

Liz:  I fight for top-freedom, not full nudity. As many times as I would have liked to moon Daytona and its officials, I have refrained because that is not the issue I care to address with them in the courts.

TackyFab: You say on your blog that you missed out on your dream job because of an arrest for “Exposure of Sexual Organs” (EWWW - I said it again). Any regrets?

Liz:  I regret that I was so upset by the arrest itself that I did not look at the paperwork they had me sign when they released me from jail. I would have fought that one in court!

TackyFab: Speaking of court, do you find attorney John Morgan’s TV ads mesmerizing or annoying? My unofficial research shows that most Central Floridians would rather stick pins in their eyes than sit through an entire commercial. 

Liz: You mean the guy who talks about being for the people? I can't really say because during commercials I usually get up to go to the kitchen or to the bathroom. When I was married, my husband would often look over at me smiling and ask, "Do you feel like a little commercial sex tonight, honey?" You'd be amazed at how much you can get done with three 60-second commercials!

TackyFab:  So, you got it on to John Morgan’s TV ads?  I'm sure that visual will come to mind now anytime I see him. Quickly, next question.  If Oprah gave you a million dollars but you had to donate it to either the Daytona Beach Police Department Christmas Party Fund or the Christian Coalition, who would you pick?

Liz:  I'd put it toward my own children's charity that I hope to launch this year. Oprah can't give me a million bucks and then think she's going to tell me how to spend it.

TackyFab: Oprah can do whatever she wants, Liz! Moving on though, have you ever been to Cypress Cove, the nudist resort in Kissimmee?  They have a restaurant called "Cheeks" and you're welcome to dine there top-free anytime you'd like!  The only rule is that you have to sit on a towel.  

Liz:  No, I've never been there, but I have been to one down south. It was most interesting. I wrote a story on my blog about that, too. I didn't know what the rules of those places were so I just winged it until someone told me what I shouldn't do: "Never look down when someone is talking to you." I found that out five hours after I'd been walking around looking down and going, "Damn!" But, hey, I didn't know better until they told me.  To answer your question, I'm not a nudist or a naturist. I have many friends who are, though.

TackyFab:That sounds like a cop-out…like the old line "I have gay friends”.  Anyway, you’re a single gal – where’s the best place to meet guys in Central Florida?

Liz:  I recently joined a group called "Patriot Riders". They're the people who protect the funerals and grave sites of soldiers from a group that calls itself "God Hates America". The Patriot Riders do lots of wonderful things for our soldiers. A woman certainly couldn't go wrong getting to know them.

TackyFab: God hates America?  I doubt it.  What's to hate? We've got Disney AND Graceland. Maybe He's been mad at us, like Alec Baldwin was after the 2000 election - but even Alec never moved to France.   Alright, enough of that crazy talk.  What do you think is the most tacky fabulous place in Volusia County?

Liz: Daytona Beach City Hall, maybe? No, I think our public bath houses have really gone downhill lately. Not even politicians will use them anymore.

More tomorrow....

Not-So Private Parts: An Interview with Liz Book

I got an email the other day from someone at the Daytona Beach News-Journal who wanted to know why I haven't mentioned Liz Book on my site.  If you live in Central Florida, you know Liz as the woman who has battled the city of Daytona Beach for years (and years and years) over her right to be “top-free.”  In fact, when the stories first circulated, she was a Mom.  Now, she's a grandmother...and she's still doing her thing.  

Liz has gone head-to-head with Bill O’Reilly and has been seen in just about every newspaper and TV screen in the country.  Quite honestly, the legality of the whole thing bores me, but I really wanted to know what made Liz tick, so I interviewed her.  We talked about everything from her pre-protest breast care regimen to her thoughts on Sam, the guy from the Appliance Direct commercials.

So, go grab a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and some pork rinds, and then sit back and enjoy a few moments in the mind of Liz Book…

TackyFab: For starters, Liz, I applaud you for your confidence. I require very particular lighting when I undress – preferably pitch dark, sometimes candlelight, but never direct sunlight or a fluorescent–type environment. You, however, have the chutzpah to pull off your top in just about any lighting. To what do you attribute your high self-esteem? Did your parents praise you lots as a kid?

Liz:  Well, I once had a leading role with the Rochester Community Players, when I was 15. I was the "Queen of the Elves" in J. R. Tolkens', The Hobbit. I believe I did get a little praise for that.

TackyFab:  Congrats!  Onward…I read in your blog that you walked topless down Daytona Beach for seven miles without sunscreen last week. Seriously, girl, what’s with that? It’s the equivalent of Picasso sticking his arm into a lawmower to clear a jam. I really expected to hear you took much better care of your breasts, since they are the most famous ta-ta’s in Central Florida.

Liz:  I hadn't set out to take a seven mile walk. It was a beautiful day and it just happened. Call it spontaneity.  Honestly, I would have feared putting suntan lotion on my breasts publicly, as the militia (Daytona Beach Police) might construe that as lewd and lascivious behavior. Besides, I think they look pretty in pink.

TackyFab:  So, do you have a regular maintenance routine of any kind? Lotions…crèmes? Do you slather them in Ponds Night Time Formula and wrap yourself in Saran?

Liz: Have you actually ever met someone who does do that stuff? Saran Wrap? Hmmmm…no, there is no breast maintenance routine that I use. Occasionally, I will look down at my breasts and sadly say, ‘Come on girls, you've got to perk up. I'm tired of seeing you all droopy like this.’ It works, I tell you. They always seem to perk right up when I tell them we are going out for protest or a walk in the sun.

TackyFab: Would you ever consider breast implants or a lift?

Liz:  I fought the idea for years because it was not a message I wanted to send out to women. But now I am thinking, "Geez, if only I could afford to bump these girls up!"  Yes, I think that I would.

TackyFab:  Liz, be honest - there’s got to be somebody you wouldn’t feel comfortable flashing... your kid’s teacher, your grandmother’s best friend...

Liz:  It’s not flashing. I’m way beyond flashing. I do not refer to freeing my breasts as "flashing" or "showing them." I once told Bill O'Reilly that if he even said the word "show" in the context of speaking about my protests, I would just walk off his show. I meant it! "Flashing" and "showing" are two words that connotate breast exposure for entertainment. They tick me off!

TackyFab: Oh, dang, sorry.  Do over. Forget the thing about the flashing. Let’s fill in the blank, here: "I would never 'free my breasts' if I saw ______________ nearby."

Liz: A Bible school bus.

TackyFab:  Good call. 

To be continued tomorrow...

photo courtesy of Central Florida News 13


Monday, March 17, 2008

Tacky Fabulous "Fill in the Blank" Photo Caption Contest


When Mitch English says something is funny, who am I to argue? He is, after all, that affable weather guy from the Daily Buzz TV Show AND a stand-up comedian. That means he pretty much dictates funny in Orlando and the rest of us just follow along like sheep.


So the other day on the way to his Samba class, Mitch spotted this sign on 417 near the airport. He says it's funny, and guys will appreciate it. 

Here's the pic.
If that weren't enough, there's a FREE GAME to go along with it, too!  (void in Wisconsin and where prohibited by law).  You get to fill in the blank: 

"Berry Dease ___________________".

I'll go first. Check the comments...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Wherefore Art Thou Shamrock Shakes?


If you live in Orlando, you can get down on your knees right now and thank God for that, because we are on the "approved" list for Shamrock shakes.  Apparently, green shakes are a "limited availability item" this year, and HOORAY - most of the McDonald's in and around Orlando have them.   (Yes, I called and asked.  No, I didn't call every McDonald's.) .  Right now, if you lived in some other uncivilized part of the country, you'd be forced to beg and plead and sign petitions to get your cardboard coated cup of lactose, fat, and green food coloring.  

What further evidence do you need that Orlando totally rocks...AND leads the nation in cutting-edge cuisine?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Happy St. Patty's Day Weekend!


Three days of Irish fun here in Orlando, including Hootie and the Blowfish at Celebration, Shamrock 'N Roll at Pat O'Brien's CityWalk, and corned beef and cabbage at The Harp and Celt (that's the newest Irish pub downtown).

Wally's - that tacky fabulous bar with the smoke-stained, naked lady wallpaper - will be giving away a shot of Irish Whiskey to anyone who brings in a stuffed animal donation for the Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children. (Interesting trade). Wally's bartenders say they'll even switch out the whiskey for a green apple shot, but they will make fun of you for asking for it.

Wall Street Plaza claims to have "the biggest St. Patrick's Day party in Orlando", but more interestingly, there is an anti-event at Crooked Bayou called the "We Hate Wall Street St. Patrick's Day Party."

photo: John McConnicco/AP

Friday, March 14, 2008

Baby got back!


Heroin-chic is out and plus-size vixens are in! If you prefer your women big and beautiful then you must belly-up to this buffet of curvaceous cuties.

It's the Passion: Plus size affair going on right this very minute at Club Bola on I-Drive - the event for "women of curves" and the men who love them.

Like most great Orlando parties, stilt walkers will be on-site. Upgrade to the VIP area and get "shout outs from the DJ" throughout the night. Check out the plus-size fashion show. If you have any doubt these chickies know how to party, check out their myspace page.

Thanks to the Orlando Weekly for the heads-up on this.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Now performing on the main stage - Philthy Mickelson

Many people think the Bay Hill Tournament is just a stuffy-old-boring golf event.  Au contraire! Even today's Sentinel reports, "Arnold Palmer's big-name event infuses neighbors with the Spirit of Spring Break." You got that right, baby - it's beer bongs, keg stands, and body shots as far as the eye can see.  And check out the wet T-shirt contest!  
Congrats to Phil Mickelson, this year's winner (dancing to Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera version). 

Here's the second runner-up...an Isleworth housewife, shakin' her money-maker, old school. You go girl!

Mickelson photo courtesy of Stephen Dowell/Orlando Sentinel and the other one from www.sportstruck.com, of course!

We Go Together Like Salmon and Pop-Tarts

Orlando has definitely got some weird combos.  For example, everyone went nuts when Universal opened a tattoo shop adjacent to the theme park:  "Ride Shrek 3D, then get some ink".  

And I've always thought the Mickey Mouse shot glasses were a little strange.  I can't see myself offering up tequila in the Steamboat Willie model on the top left.  
But last week, I saw the Mac Daddy of all things mismatched.  Right as you come down I-4 headed westbound in the Disney/Lake Buena Vista area, there is a small billboard-wanna-be sitting off to the right.

The sign says, "abortionNO.org".  

Anyplace other than the perimeter of Disney property, the sign is really not a big deal, but there, on the thoroughfare that is the main entrance for every family that's made the trek from somewhere across state lines?  EWWW!  It's the conversation I really didn't want to have with my kids on Sunday afternoon as we were getting all jazzed up about riding "It's a Small World". 

"Mom, what's an abortion?" asks my 11 year-old billboard reader from the backseat, while the 9 year-old listens intently for an answer and the 2 year-old chews his own foot.

"It's a website," I say.

The Disney PR people must be thrilled about that sign.  I mean, I'm sure they would agree with the message (because more babies equals more potential park-goers, which equals more revenue), but the whole thing is pretty puke-inducing.  I'm sure the site itself is filled with wonderful video and photographic evidence to support the cause, but I think I'll pass.  Tacky unfabulous, I declare!

No matter where you stand on the issue, couldn't we just agree there are probably better ways to brand this campaign?  Instead of "ABORTION NO," what's the matter with "Babies are the Bomb.com" or "Fetuses are Fantastic"?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Spring Break in the Land That Time Forgot

Spring Break is in full swing in Daytona Beach right now, with headlines screaming about hedonistic college students partying into the wee hours while cops track down a serial killer who is terrorizing the community.  


It's a far cry from the way things were a couple years ago - March 2006 - when the headlines...the headlines....oh wait, the headlines screamed of hedonistic college students partying into the wee hours while cops tracked down a serial killer terrorizing the community.  

For the most Tacky Fabulous media coverage EVER on this topic, let's go to Fox News. (Keep Jon Stewart's advice in mind as you watch:  "If you close your eyes during that segment, you may hear about the case of a scary serial killer in Florida.  Keep them open and you may get an erection.")  

(starts at 1:01) 

Monday, March 10, 2008

R2D2 Tattoos are SUPER HOT!

I'm going through this phase where I'm really digging intellectual types.  It must be all you guys from NASA who read the blog and email me - winkie winkie!

And by the way, when I say I have an affinity for smart guys, I don't mean "kind of smart" guys - I mean Jeff Goldblum Jurassic Park Scientist brainy nerds.  YUM!  My friends and family are thrilled because it's a refreshing change from my previous preference - big and dumb.  I also had a phase where I thought crazy, sweaty guys were just deep and misunderstood.  No more!

Admittedly, I almost had a redneck relapse with Bike Week and the smell of dirty, cigarette-breathed guys filling the air, but fortunately I snapped right out of it once this hit...



MegaCon:  the southeast's largest comic book, science fiction/fantasy, anime, gaming event. Where real men aren't afraid to get Dungeons and Dragons tattoos.


photo#1 courtesy of Vincent Hobbs, Orlando Sentinel and #2 pic courtesy of MegaCon website.